Help

All this weeping, all this crying,

Every day, every night.

Is there nobody who will listen to me?

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But

“But”

A Poem written by Gavin Loh to (unnamed)

Once a upon a time

A boy fell in love with a girl

It was funny how

They once were

Like the prideful geese

Each flying solo

Not wishing

To come together

As fated,

They both were created,

Stubborn motherfuckers that cannot settle for anything

Not really the best

Truth be told,

He and she were never to be anything.

But he refused to believe that

One day

She will leave

But he knew that

For him

She will always be the most important one

For him

She will always be the only one

He knew,

But,

Reality was always so brutal

But,

He never knew why

But,

He regretted

Never to have tried his best.

It was not a lie.

He was in pain.

So in desperation,

He despaired and said

“You will easily be forgotten

Don’t you ever be so sure that

You can forever be an irreplaceable part of my world

You don’t realize that

It will be impossible if

I say that I can find the strength to continue loving you”

But,

He cried.

Tears of sadness,

They were not

Tears of happiness.

But,

He was always lying.

She was wrong to think that

He would change everything about himself for her.

Just in two months

It was

Just in a split moment

It was

But

Infatuation

It was

Perhaps

(Read the above again in reverse)

 

Why?

I don’t know why. I just simply don’t know why.

Why can I have a crush so deep, so deep, that it feels just like love?

And why am I so hurt?

I want to just fall out of love. I don’t want my heart to race. My palms to sweat. My brain to blank. And my speech to fuck up.

I don’t want to look at my love, and know that she doesn’t even feel for me back.

I don’t want to look at my love, and know that her eyes never will reach mine.

I don’t want to look at my love, and know that her senses are for another guy.

 

I don’t want to be emo.

I don’t want this.

1111, why can’t you just grant me this simple wish?

 

All I ask for.

Is to be the happy-go-lucky me.

The hapz me.

The sociable me.

The fuckitall me.

The I-think-girls-are-dumb me.

 

I’m sorry that I have wished for love the entire of 2011 and finally found it, only to remember how much it hurts to be unrequited.

I’m sorry.

So 1111. Please.

 

The Unified Field Theory

I found the following article somewhere deep in “My Documents” folder in my mac. After thinking about it for a long time, I finally remembered what I wrote it for. I wrote it for my USP admission application. I read the article again. And I ask myself. HOW THE HELL DID I WRITE THIS 4 YEARS AGO?!!?

 

 

I believe that in the realm of science, there is no contest to the conflict between quantum mechanics and general relativity as being the most intriguing idea to date. Neither theory can exist with the other, and it is interesting to know that humankind may have been wrong in one of the theories. That was till the time we formulated the string theory, which holds much potential to be the one single explanatory framework in which the world can utilize to explain, construct and understand every force, every matter and everything that exists in the universe that we know of.

I began to develop a strong interest in this subject when I began studying contemporary physics as a H3 subject. I have seen, experienced and tested for myself the oddness of the subject of physics. The first experiment of my journey towards the unknown began with the world-renounced Young’s double slit experiment, created with the initial intent of proving Newton’s concept of light (being a stream of particles) wrong. Years of experimenting have since proved that light embodies both wave-like and particle-like properties, forcing us to drop our conventional intuition that something can only be either a wave or a particle, and forcing us to embrace the likelihood that it can be both. And even so, it seems that even with all the experimental accuracies of the 21st century, and the exceptional intellect of all the theoretical physicists in the world, we only seem to be only able to “know” the truth, but not “understand” how it works or why it is so at the deepest levels.

Then, Werner Heisenberg came along, and further revolutionized modern physics with his uncertainty principle. Breaking all classical paradigms of Newtonian and Einstein’s understanding of motion, velocity and location, he claimed that at a microscopic level, one can never know both the velocity and location of a particle with absolute precision. Put simply, a particle does not have a definite position and velocity exactly as we have otherwise thought it would, something that we would otherwise thought of being so basic and given as to be beyond question in the ‘real’ world. It also shows that the universe at its most fundamental levels – that of energy and momentum, fluctuates randomly with certain probabilities. Imagine this, that our world was constructed based upon probabilities and chance, or simply, luck. Is it not intriguing to know that the history of our universe was based upon such randomness, and to find out that our existence was a result of a series of events beyond our control?

Experimental data has since forced humankind to retraced our steps in understanding science, and see that we have to be wrong somewhere and sometime before, resulting in the incompatibility between our understanding of general relativity and quantum mechanics. I am deeply unsettled by this fact that the two foundational pillars of physics can never fundamentally coexist with one another.

Though not fully understood and proven, the String theory, as many believe (including myself), may be the key to the one “unified field theory” that has eluded the world for all ages. This theory bravely declares that all the occurrences in the universe arise from the vibrations of microscopic tiny loops of energies that exists in matter. It is an exciting challenge that faced mankind to build an all-encompassing theory. The implications of this theory will shift paradigms and challenge thinkings in almost every aspects of our lives and hopefully, usher in a new era allowing us to break technological barriers to reach beyond to outer space.